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Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Feral Cat Called Fear



I don’t know your future path, you don’t know your future path.

Don’t really know if you'll get that job or if the diagnosis will be bad, or if your kids will turn out okay, or if it all works out. None of us really know what's next.

That’s the scary shit of it isn’t it?

Fear – of the unknown – fear in disappointing  fear of being disappointed - fear of failing -fear of never knowing.

Fear is an ugly nasty beast ………..  

Fear, the feral cat that whines and moans and roams the streets .... scaring us, wanting to be fed.  

Sure there is something familiar about this cat, it once was a part of a home, but now it's wild and afraid.  Don't let the lie of it's familiarity trick you.  

No use ignoring it.  So acknowledge the ugly beast .....briefly.   Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away – but by all means don’t feed it.  Don't feed the beast. Don't let it into your home thinking it's the pet that it may have once been. Don’t give it the power over you.  And whatever you do....... don’t acknowledge it as your truth. 

Don’t feed the feral cat called fear.

Fear can be a motivator and a driver or the bitch that takes you down – time to get motivated into your real truth –

Your gifts, your God, your heart and by all means, your gratitude.

Fear hates gratitude like the feral cat hates you spraying it with the hose. 

You are far stronger than your fears my friend.
 
Where are you using your gifts?  Don't wait until your big break or the invitation.  Using your gifts is a choice.  Baby steps, take just one today.

Where are you putting your thoughts, your vulnerability, your gratitude?

Write down the gratitude.  Write it in a pretty journal or in the fog on your windows, writing it claims it, proclaims it, gives it light and life.  Feed the light, feed the gratitude, give it life.

Remember this – Fear is the bitch that lies to you – don’t feed her – she’ll never leave your doorstep – let her be the wild that roams the alleys and the streets looking and searching - she may cry and moan and keep you awake a few nights– you can acknowledge her but don’t feed the beast, that feral cat of fear. 

When you take baby steps to feed the Gifts, the Gratitude and the Light, the feral cat slinks away in the night knowing you are shining your own light.



Friday, October 31, 2014

7 Reasons Why I Run

Well, here I am on another half marathon eve.  The night before a big race is always a time of crazed preparation and reflection.  It usually goes something like this, "what do you mean it's going to be 20 degrees colder tomorrow morning than anything I've trained in!"  and "Why the hell do I do this?".  So after several hours of crazed preparation I decided to jot down a few of the reasons that I run.

1. Therapy
Six months ago when I signed up to run 13.1 miles on the 1st day of November, I did it for forced therapy. I knew I was walking into the most stressful time of my life with personal challenges the size of Everest.  I said to my friend, "I think I need to sign up for a race so I run more than I drink to get through this."  And it worked.  Sure, I've had a few bottles of wine and cocktails in the last 6 months but it's always in the context of how will this impact my run. 

On some really challenging days, I ran twice in a day.  A run in the morning to get myself out of bed and facing the day and a run in the evening to cleanse my worried soul so I could actually sleep.

2. Self Discipline
You don't know self discipline until you've spent an hour or two alone on a road putting one foot in front of the other.  On days that are scorching hot, on days that you had to bring a flashlight because it's  dark-thirty in the morning, on days when your legs are so tired you can barely feel them.  And every time you do it you've fulfilled a promise to yourself.  You become more trustworthy.  And if all else fails in humanity, it would be nice to at least trust yourself.

3. Prayer Time
God and I do lots of chats while I'm running.  I know He's always there hanging out with me anyway, might as well use the time wisely and discuss some things.  And sometimes it's the chance to see the most beautiful sunrise, or the first few blooms of the season, or the fog burning off to start the day.  Running has shared God's creation with me over and over and over again.  And each time I say thank you, out loud.  And sometimes I'm thankful that I live in the country because I can sob and cry and scream and leave it all out on the road. 

4. To Hear Myself Think
Some of my best clarity on creative endeavors, business problems, or deciphering the world of teens has happened during a run.  When everything else gets tuned out and I can finally hear myself think.  My mind can be a scary place to be alone with for those hours on the road.  We wrestle and think and cuss and discuss.  And sometimes I dream and create and wonder and plan.

5. To Not Hear Myself Think
Some days the only thing I want to hear is a pounding playlist thumping through my earbuds and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement. No thinking allowed, just running as hard and fast as I can push my body to go. 

6. The Friendship
Not all runs are solo runs.  Sometimes it's not enough to have the self discipline, you need someone waiting for you at the corner at dark-thirty to get your butt out of bed.  And if you're training for a race and need to be on a schedule, you better have a buddy, and a reliable one.  And it helps to have a really positive person waiting on you at the corner that will be smiling the knowing  smile of, "yep we're crazy, now let's do this."  and someone that will see you struggling and say, "Come on, you got this." 

7. The Challenge
For tomorrow's race, I'll be running with my friend who will be running her first half marathon.  I've been with her for all the firsts of new distance.  The look on her face when she did her first 6 miles, then 8, then 10, 11 and 12 and tomorrow 13.1.  The determination and the strength and the joy, it's absolutely contagious.


And actually tomorrow's race is a bit of a gamble for me because I'm injured with IT Band syndrome and there's a possibility that after training for 6 months and pounding out hundreds of miles to prepare, I may not be able to run tomorrow at all.  But still, I go to the race expo and pick up my packet and I prepare like it's all going to be okay.  And tomorrow morning at 5am, I'll suit up, pick up my buddy at the corner and we'll drive to the start line.  Because life is mostly about showing up.  And if I don't get to run or finish the race, I'll still have gotten all the benefit from the preparation.



Monday, October 6, 2014

GMoney and the Fall Breakers - A Vacation Tale

Fall Break.  Three women, Two Middle Schoolers and a Four Year Old.  In the car ..... for 14 hours.  Seven stops for liquid leveling either putting it in or letting it out.

Sounds like a dream vacation doesn't it?

After what seemed like 3 days driving through the backwoods of Alabama, (I swear I heard banjo music coming from the woods.  On the upside you can buy crickets and pee in the same place $1.50 for 50. )  we finally pull into the outskirts of Panama City Beach.  Our first indicator this wasn't a typical week in PCB, a large flashing sign that read EVENT WEEKEND.  Translated means, Holy Crap Traffic.  But no ladies and gentleman of the road trip, not just any traffic ............... Bikers.

Two miles into town and we are the outcast SUV in a sea of bikers.  Every size, shape, gender, color, and nationality known to the universe straddled over their steel horse.  And here we are, an SUV full of moms and kids rollin in their midst.  We lean forward pressing our noses to the window trying to make out the tattoos on the young lady in front of us.

But it's okay, they have security.

Photo Cred: www.PCBrally.com 


We find our condo which is just as beautiful as the website says it is except the pics on VRBO didn't show the tattoo shop across the street or the 5000 bikes patrolling out front.  We can't stop laughing. The noise is deafening.

We pull into the condo front and center to unload the road warriors and our stuff and pulling in beside us....none other than G Money from Detroit on the biggest baddest most beautiful white motorcycle I've ever seen that I'm sure cost more than my SUV.  He's blasting some home boy tunes from Detroit and carrying a pizza.  We hang with GMoney for a minute or two admiring his bike and then let him get on his way to enjoy his dinner.  Still laughing.  We load back up to find our own dinner with the giddy girls in the back making up a cheer about GMoney.  Who says the middle school white girls from the country can't appreciate some color and flavor to their lives.

We find a little hole in the wall pizza joint and order our food, sit down at the picnic table to wait.  The string of bikes on the street is so loud we have to lean in and shout across the table to talk while the girls clap their hands to the GMoney cheer which to the adults has lost it's allure. Every time the bikes hit that loud thunder clap sound on the street one of us jumps out of our seats and the rest of us roar with laughter. Laughing, yep, that's what we go on vacation for.  The sound scares the beejuzes out of us and gets our heart pumping and then we laugh, which is exactly what our hearts need.

Full of carbs and cheese, we park at the condo to find that we are directly across from the final concert night of the rally.  An AC/DC cover band perk. We didn't have to buy tickets, just parked in the garage.  #winning #laughing

We wake the next morning to find the bikers packing and moving out of our fall break vacation.  I head out on my long run to see them off and in act of spiritual alignment, my iTunes "shuffle all" provides far more heavy metal than usual, which is good for my soul and really good for my pace.