Stages

I remember a girl.  She thought she was a woman.  She thought grown up thoughts. She dreamed grown up dreams and thought she had it all figured out.

Then she became the woman she thought she already was.

The woman looks back on the girl with love and kindness and longing and she smiles at her and says, it's ok, you didn't know.

You didn't know that the dreams and visions would become struggles and frustrations and that weddings soon become marriages and pregnant bellies and baby showers become families and promotions become big mortgages.  It's ok.  It's just a new day.

The woman thanks her for the dreams and wipes her tear and tells her it will be ok. The girl looks so very very young standing beside the woman. They stand together, needing each other.

The woman stands up tall and takes on the struggles of the day with the young girl in her heart and in her soul, reminding her, it will be ok.

I want to see what's inside

See this bottle .......

I like the way it looks and I like the way the product makes my hair all shiny and bouncy and stuff. 

It occurred to me this morning while putting my standard 4 pumps of said "Thickening Glaze" on my soon to be shiny locks (*side note, I didn't need Thickening Glaze in my 20's, we'll save that for another day with a -  hair thins when you're old post) Ok ok, it occurred to me that I really have no idea when this beautiful platinum looking bottle will stop dispensing said glaze.  I can't see the inside.

I'll be standing in my fluffy white robe ready to rock the free world with hair awesomeness and I'll go to my trusty standby of Platinum packaging ready for the glaze of godliness and then.......  nothing.

Then, because I'm a blogger, scouring the world for content, it hit me that some people are like that.  Some people go about their lives creating value for their families, their spouse, their co-workers, their community, and then one day they just stop. The fan club will be standing ready with baited breath for whatever they have normally given them, their love, their web design, their customer service goodness, their loyalty, their parenting skills, their best game.

Then the fan club will watch in shock and horror when they just don't show up. They'll still look the same on the outside but on the inside they'll stop givin' the goods.

Don't you wish you could always see what's on the inside?

So much better on Offense

It started last Tuesday when I backed out of the garage before I put the door up.  Of course I told everyone on Twitter and in my real face to face life about my idiocy.  The following day I went to the dentist for some routine fillings.  I came home in ridiculous pain, called my work partner to tell about my horrid situation, took some pain pills and went to bed.

Then the weekend came, with continued tooth pain, our weekend without kids turned into a drywall project gone wrong and no date night, no martinis and well you know, none of that either.  I mourned the loss of that to several friends that would still listen to my drama.

A new week came and I worked doing a keynote on my work paid holiday.  I moaned and mourned the loss of my 'day off'.  On Tuesday I had a marketing event and had a hard time having an articulate conversation about my work world.  My colleagues looked at me like toy poodles with their heads cocked trying to figure out who I was and what happened to the girl they once knew.  I continued to tell them about this string of craziness I was living in.

The next day, my good friend called to tell me her marriage was on the rocks. I sank again into despair.  Finally the tooth debacle careened into root canal zone and I ended up back in the chair with files and drills and pulp sucking.  I said to my BFF, "I don't know who's life this is, but I want mine back."

So today I decided to take mine back.  I'm back playing offense..

I spent so much time telling my 'can you believe how much this sucks' story that I put myself into a downward spiral.  I'm a big fan of God as you regular readers know.  I realize that sometimes we get into root canal zone to slow us down.  God has a way of creating a Divine Disruption.  The careful part is not to feed the disruption and perpetuate it's gravity. I'm also a big believer in the basic principle that 'what you feed grows'.  Plants, dogs, kids, love,  pain ....  It all applies.

I've decided to feed my future.

Once I took over on offense, I loaded the girl in the car and we went ....... to the movies.

I love the movies, as much as I love the bookstore.  Both remind me that we can all write a new story.  So today I close the book on root canal hell and start the story of moments and memories and a future yet unknown.

The real story is,

I can afford dental care.
I have a garage door to back into.
We have a basement to drywall.
I have a husband that I love and someday I will share a martini and a steak, but today it's popcorn and nachos.
I have kids that drive me crazy, like they're supposed to.
I have a job. A job that I love.
I rocked the keynote speech from the client feedback.
I have colleagues that I love and that love me even when I'm crazy.
My friend has a husband that's willing to do counseling and they truly love each other. 

It's so much better when I play offense. I'm kinda like the Colts.