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Thursday, October 22, 2009

I don't do casseroles.

In honor of the movie Motherhood, Jill at Scary Mommy is having a contest to find real moms, like the one in the movie. Motherhood is not for wimps. I am the Mom in my little "hood". Some days, you should be scared to cross into my 'hood'. It's not always a safe place.

You know what scares me? Those moms that show up for the school meetings with their color coded folders and their kids dressed from a Gymboree ad looking over at me with 'that look'.  I've concluded that those are the scariest moms because they are living the lie.  No one has time for all that 'let's show up looking like the perfect family' crap.

A real scary mom forgets half the meetings and cusses about the ones she decides she has to go to and then hopes no one asks her to chair a meeting or bring snacks for God's sake.

I remember when one of my kids was in preschool and insisted on wearing shorts on one of the first days we had frost on the ground.  I was going to be late for work and decided not to take on that battle. So, off we went to school with shorts and a winter coat.  The daycare lady looked at me like she was going to speed dial family services as soon as I left.  I smiled and said, "Well, when she freezes her cute little buns off today on the playground, she won't ask to wear shorts tomorrow." Inside I wanted to finish that by sticking my tongue out and saying, "na, na, na, na, na" I did refrain from that part.  Scary Mom's keep it real. Life really is about making choices and trades. We might as well learn that early.

Scary Moms learn to balance their tyrades with real apologies and the real scoop on how hard it is to keep it all together.  A few of the mom's in my area made a pact. If one kid gets invited to a sleepover, we have permission to call and pawn the other off with anyone we can find, to create a date night, or a drink too much on the deck night.  We're not the kind of moms that promise to bring casseroles when you're sick. Hell, we can barely keep food on our own table that doesn't come from a greasy high school kid through our car window.  We're not making you a casserole because you've got the sniffles, suck it up and have a margarita. For that, I'll bring chips and salsa and gladly join you.

Scary Moms don't feel guilty about the time they take for themselves.  We spritz on some perfume and our cute boots and go out to meet our friends twice a year, without a glance over our shoulder, just a "Later Gators, I'm outta here, good luck finding some dinner!" Then we crank up the Pearl Jam all the way to the bar, some in mini vans, some with mom jeans. For a few minutes, we're still the cool chic and in our imagination our ass still looks great in those jeans.