I think it must have started shortly after the Y2K scare. Eating was no longer just eating. It was a therapy appointment and a science fair project.
It started with vanity. Jeans that that rocked my butt, bikini ready, little black dress for Saturday night.
Then it was less vanity more training. Carb up for a long run, junk food weighs you down, be healthy, drink more water.
Now it's flat out fear. I always thought reading and studying would help me be better. Now I think reading and studying has made me a paranoid food schizo. I evolved into this state. In the spirit of full disclosure when my girl was a toddler and we would go through the pharmacy drive thru she would start screaming "fry fry" from her car seat. It sometimes took miles for her to get over it. Pavlov's dog wanted the treat after the bell! The girl wanted fries out of that sack, not Amoxicillian!
But over the years, especially when learning to treat my son's ADHD, I started to pay more attention to food. I didn't buy it completely at first. Then I did some toxin cleansing myself and was shocked at the difference after an 11 day cleanse. Shocked! I had never felt better in my life. I had my eyes completely opened.
Now I'm wide eyed paranoid.
Then this New York Times Article sealed the deal. We've all been a part of their big scam. Read This:The Extraordinary Science of Junk Food
Yes ladies and gentleman, if you buy food from the grocery store then you are a pawn in their little game. You are spoken of in terms like "share of stomach". You are being duped. Over and over and over again.
Then I uncover another character in this scary movie, Frankenwheat. Yes, those are not your grandfather's Wheat Thins. In fact, your attempt at health through whole grains might be making you fat and miserable. Yep, hit my link above or google, Wheat Belly. But wait until I'm done here or you'll be there for hours.
So maybe you'll just sit down and have a Diet Coke and let this all sink in. Remember those jars of pig parts from the lab in science class? You know the ones filled with formaldehyde? Maybe just pour one of those over ice. Yep, because those diet drinks and sugar substitutes are hurting you too. That's here: Top 4 Most Dangerous Artificial Sweeteners
Now that we've all had a taste of their crack, they're counting on us coming back for more and more. Your health is last on the list of their concerns. L A S T.
So now that I know. I can't "un-know". Which makes it really hard to go back to the carefree days of eating. And it pisses me off. Not only for me, but for the responsibility I have for my kids. I want to teach them good health choices without being the psycho parent that won't allow any fun snacks. You know what they do right? They ask to stay over with their friends so they can stand in their friend's pantry dripping in Lucky Charms.
I think of people like my husband that loves to banter about politics and never wants to be controlled by "the system" I want to scream, screw the President, it's freaking Pillsbury you should be afraid of!
Then there's the working mom convenience/inconvenience factor. Buying fresh can't happen once a month, it happens three times a week. And fresh isn't always fresh so organic cuts into my budget pretty deep. I love to cook but not every freakin' night. So I don't. Then I cave to the drive thru once in awhile and not only am I weighed down by trans fats, my guilt makes me wretch.
Every time someone in my house says, "what do we have to eat?" I curl up in the fetal position and scream, "Just eat an apple or a banana and leave me alone!"
Don't get me wrong, I'm still driven by vanity. Today I had the completely unreasonable thought, my friend invited me to go to the pool on Friday, I wonder if I can lose this gut in 4 days.
I just want to be 13 again when a trip to Burger Chef brought joy to me and to my parents.
Image from GenXtinct