Like it? Then share it. *please*

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Pause From Those Freakin' Expectations. A Dream.

Expectations are a real bitch sometimes. 

Aren't they?

We all have them.  For each other, for ourselves.

Sometimes I want to close the door on the little fuckers and take a break. 

I want to award us all a slight "pause" in life from expectations. 

For a short period of time, a couple of hours, a whole day maybe, my God should I dream of a whole weekend?........... just to let the expectations cease.  No one waiting on the project to be completed, the meeting to be set, the SAT tutoring to get scheduled, the dishes to be done, the exercise to happen. 

No one looking at me and thinking where I've been, what I've done, what should I, could I be doing.

My mind to slow down and gently set all of my own expectations for myself aside for just a freakin' minute.  Just a little box by the door where I'll pick them up later.

Even those that love us unconditionally, like our parents, have expectations.  That we'll stay safe, and happy and fulfilled.  Everyone has expectations, some more realistic and healthy than others.

Just a little break.

A break from thinking of others and what they expect of me and how disappointed they might be in me, especially those that are unwilling to expect more from themselves, I absolutely want a break from them.

I even want a tiny break from the dreaming of what could be for myself.  The hopes and dreams and good stuff.  I even want a break from that. 

So tonight I tried to do this for myself.  I ran a bath so hot  and full of sweet smelling bubbles and I lie there thinking of nothing until it ran cold.  But you can't really think of nothing can you?  It's impossible.

So instead I decided to dream about what I would do with those expectation free hours.  My own private pause.

I would put on my favorite pair of jeans and the old boots I've loved for years. Shake out my favorite broken down t-shirt.  I'd stroll into a broken down bar where, unlike Cheers, no one knew my name. 

And in my little dream, there would be an old bartender that made the drinks with a nice long pour and knew how to weave a good tale.  And the pool table would be free and the jukebox would be full of classic rock.

There I'd mix with the locals who didn't know my name and didn't give a damn about wondering who I was. And we'd laugh and shoot some stick and sing along as loud as we wanted. Pull out some air guitar when appropriate, because that's what happens when a great song comes on and you're holding a pool cue.  And the table would have just enough warp to let you know it had been around awhile and didn't expect too much from itself. 

Just a few hours.

Then I'd come home, gently pick up my expectations from the box by the door and carry on.  Simple.

But it isn't. Simple.

So maybe we all need to just give each other a little break.  Give ourselves a break.  Maybe it's time to crank the Tom Petty and sing because you can, not because you're good, like he did.

Maybe we just need to remember that what will be will be and to just try to give each other a little break.  Or give ourselves a little break.   From those freakin' expectations.

And if you see me in your bar this weekend, please just buy me a drink and put some more quarters in the jukebox. Maybe some CCR?  You pick, I'll sing along.  Pass me the chalk.

What's your pause day look like?

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

For the Love of Shannon Hoon

 I'm writing this post today out of complete love and admiration for my son.  An artist.  A true artist with an artist's soul. Something that I wish every parent could witness and more importantly I wish everyone could learn to appreciate.

Shannon Hoon was the lead singer of the band, Blind Melon.  A band that those of us growing up in Indiana, loved with a passion.  We loved their music, we loved their proximity.  We felt a part of something as we watched our fellow Hoosiers take the world by storm.

Shannon's story took a tragic turn with his death from a drug overdose at age 28.  An artist's soul can be a place of torment. 

My son, a true musician, an artist's soul, was introduced to Blind Melon through the CDs he adopted from his father and me. He became mesmerized by Shannon's story because the music spoke to him in a way that none had before.  He would tell me at age thirteen,  he wanted to make music that was genre breaking just like Blind Melon.  Something so unique that it brought about complete change in the way that people loved and experienced it.  And the fact that his father had spent more than a few reckless nights with young Shannon before the fame, was fanning his flame for Shannon's story.

When my son learned of this Kickstarter program he called me first thing in the morning while I was away on vacation and asked me if I'd seen it and would I help share it.  When your son asks, you respond. And because I am still a rabid fan of Blind Melon today often jamming "Change" in the car so loud it rattles the windows and reshapes my soul.  When my son knows it's a tough day for me he'll just show up with his acoustic and start strumming "Change" because he knows the calming salve of music to a troubled soul.

My hope is that through the support and love for my son's gift that he'll continue to be inspired to share his story and let the love of music stir his soul for many years to come.  He also fears the torment of fame.  He has said many times, he hopes he can get just good enough to inspire people with his music but not famous enough to lose his place in the world.

I hope you'll take a few minutes to watch this video and consider donating to the cause.

Shannon's story ended too soon and those of us that have loved Blind Melon for all of these years, want more of the story to unfold.  

 Donate Here - Kickstarter

Just a sneak peak .....


I don't feel the suns comin' out today
its staying in, its gonna find another way.
As I sit here in this misery, I don't
think I'll ever see the sun from here.

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and say, and they'll say,
Hey look at him! I'll never live that way.
But that's okay
they're just afraid to change.

When you feel your life ain't worth living
you've got to stand up and
take a look around you then a look way up to the sky.
And when your deepest thoughts are broken,
keep on dreaming boy, cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.

And as we all play parts of tomorrow,
some ways will work and other ways we'll play.
But I know we all can't stay here forever,
so I want to write my words on the face of today.
and then they'll paint it

And oh as I fade away,
they'll all look at me and they'll say,
Hey look at him and where he is these days.
When life is hard, you have to change.