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Friday, December 13, 2013

Mandatory Merriment

So if you read my post from yesterday, you know I was just recovering from a little pity party. One of the traits I'm most proud of is my ability to see what sucks and decide to move away from it or to stop causing it.  So yesterday after I wrote that post I decided, "Dammit, we're going to have some merriment in this house, RIGHT  NOW!" 

So I made this.....

I texted the hubs with a grocery list consisting of just chocolate in various morsel sizes and nuts  .......merriment mix.

The thing about change is, it takes awhile for the rest of your loved ones to buy it.  When they've become accustomed to your crankiness, and even taken some of it on for themselves, they don't always like it when Polly Perky Positive moves back in.  And Mandatory Merriment can seem a little well .... forced.

I didn't care.

I was hell bent on merriment and merriment we would have. 

I sat at my desk awaiting the girl's arrival and her reaction to the invite. 

It wasn't quite ready for the Hallmark Channel.

"NO!  I do not want to put my clothes away and do homework right now!  I want to watch some tv first I'm tired!"

*clears throat*  *musters patience*  *align to merriment*

Yes, change can be hard.

Me: "Okay, you've got several hours before 6pm, watch some tv while you do your homework" 

Pretty good, huh?  I've got this change thing down!

What really crossed my mind was, "Fine, you're no longer allowed to participate in the merriment, you ungrateful ............ "   2 points for not speaking my mind.

I tag Hubs and Dude in the Facebook post with the picture of the "invite" since they're  not home yet.  Hoping to build anticipation and excitement.

Then I find myself sitting at my desk feverishly working to complete two proposals to clients before the 6pm merriment, more than a couple of times I thought, "Crap, why couldn't I have said 7pm" 
It's always hard to break through the clouds of work demands to work in the merriment.  Old habits clinging.

Dude comes in and doesn't really mention the invite, I take it as "no news is good news".  

At 5:45 I push myself away and make note of the things that I didn't get done that will haunt me again at sunrise and take the stairs down to the kitchen.

I shout down the cavern-ness  tunnel into Dude's world (the basement).  "Hey, come on up, it's time to get our evening started"  not using too much "sing song" in my voice because I know that scares  him away.

"Are you kidding me?  I don't want to do that Christmas crap, you know I hate that stuff.  I just downloaded a game I've been wanting to play, I don't want to!"

*deep sigh*   *talk myself off the cliff from storming the steps and ripping his arm off and beating him with it while singing carols*

Instead: "Dude, that is NOT merriment, so leave your nastiness in the basement and get your merriment up here before I beat you."

Change is hard. 

Still mumbling under his breath he comes to the kitchen where he complains about the fajitas his father has made and continues to groan about my merriment. 

I quickly hand him bags of chocolate merriment morsels and tell him to shut up and pour this into the pan.

After several minutes of Dude and the girl bickering and jabbing at each other, the merriment starts to creep in.  Very Slowly.

Finally, we're wrapping presents, assembling gifts, and talking about their creative pursuits.  *sigh*   *finally*

We finish the night with mounds of everything chocolate and nuts and caramel while we watch our sister family the Heck's from The Middle and let our new kittens terrorize our furniture.  *bliss*  

Baby steps.  I'm slowly returning to the me I'm supposed to be.

Tonight's agenda.  Eat popcorn, watch Christmas movies, and let it snow.

I'm hoping for volunteer participation.